The Road Less Travelled

 MEMO:from the Celestial scribe
      TO: JEHOVAH GOD

  I think YOU should be aware that an article that can only be classified as outright blasphemy has appeared on 
  earth...I know, the same old, the same old...more trouble than it is worth..

       GOD AND HITLER

   In a century that saw wars, technical advances, great wealth, abject poverty, and economic collapse, one event  
   stands out above all others.  The FINALSOLUTION as it was called awakened the world to the depths of cruelty 
   and hatred of which humans are capable.  As the war ended and the allies over ran Germany the world came face to 
   to face with cruelty beyond words. Often survivors, used the word HELL to describe their experiences. 
   
   How then do the "death camps" compare with the hell described in the Bible?
   
    : god is certainly not sickened by it...but rather suggests it is logical and deserved punishment.
    : death was an escape in the camps...in hell there is no escape.  It is eternal.
    : a supreme irony...the prisoners who prayed to Jehovah for deliverance are in hell...
    : the final irony...their bodies destroyed by fire in the camps..fire becomes the basis of their suffering in hell.
    : Hitler out of hatred...God out of love...the same result.

                                 YOU DO THE MATH

                          
   
          

MEMO: to Celestial Scribe
    
     UPDATE: Code name ...SOLOMON

Although the we have encountered some problems we are getting close to the final product.

SPECIFICATIONS:
: incredible wisdom....we are talking "smarts" to the power of 1000...no problem beyond him...
: a sex drive to match his wisdom...it seems to go with "super heroes"...see Samson project...
: attractive...this is one handsome dude...a work of art...

MISSION:
: will be ruler of Israel following the death of his father, David.
: will be an author/musician..The Song of Solomon...guess what this will be about...
: will have a thousand "concubines"...and he will "know" every one of them...
: will build a magnificent temple for JEHOVAH GOD...using slave labour...numbering in the thousands...
: he will accumulate enormous wealth...
: he will have a "widely known" affair with the Queen of Sheba...
: his wisdom will allow him to solve difficcult problems...two women claim the same baby...cut it in half...
  "hopefully" one willback down...

MEMO:from Celestial Scribe
TO: Department of Heroes
 Are you people ever going to get it right..what you have is the wisest "sex maniac in" in history..way to go guys..and the sad part is the BIG GUY will probably approve it....

   TO: the Celestial scribe
        FROM: Canuck#1

         Following are a number of questions, the answers to which would help me to better understand JEHOVAH GOD.  
         This is done in all humility, having seen some of the results when he gets really pissed, sorry angry.  (Please find
         an opportune moment when he is in a good mood to pass these on.)
         1. Why would you allow evil to tarnish and destroy a wonderful creation?
         2. Why would you forsake your son when he needed you most? (Even he asked this question.)
         3.  Why would you create the tree of "good and evil" in th garden of Eden?  (Surely you knew what humans 
              would do when you said NO.)
         4.  How can a "loving, forgiving" god sentence humans to an eternity in hell?  (Seems to indicate anger
              management problems...)
         5.  Why would you build such a lavish temple?  (Seems to me to "smell of" earthly possessions.)
         6.  Why do you devise diseases that decimate humans by the thousands? (A lot of pain and suffering...)
          7.  Why do we have minds that are so open to suggestion?  (It makes not having carnal thoughts difficult...
               no impossible.)

          FROM: Celestial Scribe
              
           Hey it is your funeral...see you soon...
 

          

  MEMO
       FROM: THE HOLY SPIRIT
       TO: the Celestial Scribe

        Guess who got to be in charge of this ridiculous scheme...I was outvoted again...comes with not being part of the
        family....prepare a special revelation....your choice...a burning bush, a loud voice or my personal favourite, a large
        storm...there will be a special sale of JEHOVAH'S (he likes it in caps???) most prized possessions...

         MILITARY SUPPLIES
          : bringing down city walls the easy way
          : secret weapon to kill giants
          : invasion plans to add territory
          : the "jaw bone of an ass" plus instructions for use
          : a staff held that held aloft that will inspire troops to fight on..
           : and an oldie but goldie... stopping the sun if you are winning...NOTE..I haven't heard, but maybe the opposite
              is available if you are losing...

          PLANS FOR ETHNIC CLEANSING

          : destroying cities...wiping out populations, including women and children
          : creating attitudes of superority and inferiority...copyright to the use of GOD'S name ..as in CHOSEN OF GOD
          : DIVINE APPROVAL CERTIFICATE for all your actions
          : a chant to inspire the troops...IN THE NAME OF GOD...INTHE NAME OF GOD...

          PARTY PLANNING...GOING AWAY 

           : rental of a venue..preferably an upper room...
           : play the someone double-crossed me game...perfect for getting rid of an unwanted guest:warning: has been
              known to have fatal results
           : ideal number..around 12 plus the guest of honour
           : most often a stag, but some times includes entertainment...call the Mary Magdalene agency
           : keep a "wary eye" out for the authorities..those guys carry swords and are not afraid to use them...
           : WARNING: the authorities have been known to plant an "informer...

            That is it...get busy..I've got a date with ..GUESS WHO????

  MEMO

     FROM: Celestial Scribe

     TO: JEHOVAH GOD: I will not "beat around the bush"...the fact is the "natives are getting restless...to quote them, "even so come Lord Jesus"...

      MEMO

      FROM: JEHOVAH GOD: there are still a number of problems to be worked out...

      : the rapture, the tribulation, the 1000 year reign...John really got carried away...we have created a committee to figure it all out...

       : there is a lot of "flack" from the Heavenly Hosts who feel heaven is already over crowded...plus as one angel put it..."there goes the neighbourhood...

       : gives a reason for humans to believe...the "big stick" so to speak...

       : decisions have to be made...we are looking at replacing the horses and flaming swords with tanks and machine guns...

       : major problem...what will replace the entertainment of watching humans...gigles and laughs...

       : Lucifer refuses to go peacefully to spend eternity in hell...he claims when he took the job it was to be temporary...plus my psychiatrist suggests we need each other...ying and yang so to speak...

        The bottom line is...the whole scenario is on hold indefinitely pending some important decisions...your job, think of something to keep humans off my back...

      

     

  OFFICE OF THE REGISTRAR:  GOD has spoken ..."train and send forth my servants..." Beginning in September we will be offering an M.A. in tele-evangelism.

      Curriculum:

      Presentation: includes voice training...shouting, whining, crying, whispering, pleading...as well as body language...the bowed head, the outstreched arms, the constant movement (excitement)...and an invitation to be "saved" that will draw hundreds...

       Finacial Planning: raising money...developing a "spiel" that bring tears as well as money...exploring all the venues...books, prayer hankies, personal letters, vials of water from the Jordan...remember there untapped millions out there...

        Private Life: enjoying the fruits...big homes, luxury cars, trips abroad...nepotism-put your whole family on the payroll, including your dog...

         The Media: your best friend...you become a star...publish a newspaper...write a book...send out press releases...hold news conferences...the sky's the limit...

         REQUREMENTS: FINANCIAL: lots of money...remember you will make it all back the first year...

                                 EDUCATION: spell your name correctly...speak in full sentences...remedial classes are available  to meet these requirements...

                              

    THEREFORE....

     : I enjoy free enquiry, open mindedness, and the pursuit of ideas for their own sake

     : I enjoy the wonders and mysteries of nature and the laws that contol them

     :  I have music, art and literature to sustain me

     :  Heaven and hell are non-sequators

     :  I am reconciled to living once

     :  I love and am loved

     :  I contribute to organizations caring for the environment and for humans

     :  I have no need to meet every 7th day

     :  I take responsibility for for my actions and decisions

     : and thus my creed...

             WE HAVE LOVED THE STARS TOO MUCH TO BE FEARFUL OF THE NIGHT

     

   

           OUR FATHER: not sure this is a good choice...a human designation that includes the "the good,the bad and the ugly"....some extremely bad things have been perpetrated by fathers...

                 WHICH ART IN HEAVEN: as opposed to where?

                 HALLOWED BE THY NAME: I am not sure this has been earned...

                  THY KINGDOM COME: getting a little suspicious about this after 2000years plus....

                   THY WILL BE DONE: do I have any say in this?...not sure I want to be a puppet....

                    IN EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN: coming on pretty strong here...wouild you settle for "kind of like...."

                     GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD: I got this covered....besides sounds like a pretty sparse diet...

                      FORGIVE US OUR TRESSPASSES: this is a long list..,I hope you are up to it....

                       AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US: "oh boy"...got a problem here...there is this "son of a bitch at work...

                        LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION: another "oh boy"...you will hve to do something about the "sexy" secretary at work...

                         BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL: I don't know about this...sounds pretty boring...

                          FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM: what kingdom we talking about here...

                           THE POWER: I know, omni-everything....

                            AND THE GLORY: can never get enough of this...by the way that is the secretary's name...you sly devil...sorry bad choice of words...

                             FOREVER AND EVER: "is a long, long time"...sorry about that...an old, romantic song...

                              AMEN: so be it...that's one chore finished...I have to go cut the lawn

                             

 

                

     FROM:  Department of Prayers - Quality Control

          TO:  JEHOVAH

           RECOMMENDATION:  After a long and thorough study it is the recommendation of this committee that the prayer department be terminated.....following is the report on which this recommendation is based....

            1.  The turnover in this department is the highest of any celestial department....the reasons include boredom, nervous exhaustion, long hours, fits of rage, frustration....and unfotunately as you know the health plan was disbanded and and there is little or no help for these angels.     

              2.  The repetition is mind- numbing and utterly boring, thus leading to less than acceptable scenarios...humans are getting answers like....who cares,,,,don't be a wimp....up yours....you think you got it bad, try this on for size...

               3. .... but perhaps the most "heart-breaking" aspect is to listen to humans baring their souls and for what...NOTHING.

                4. Prayer means nothing...the entire scope of history, past, present and future, is already written...in STONE....and yet thes poor creatures continue to ask....this creates an unbearable burden on those in the front line

               MEMO

                FROM: JEHOVAH GOD  (All memos MUST use the full title.)

                 TO:  QUALITY CONTROL

                  As of "right now" this committee is disbanded, kaput, out of sight...prayers will continue...it helps to remind humans how weak they are and how much they need JEHOVAH GOD

     PATIENT: Jehovah

     TITLE: Lord of Hosts

      Our examination of the subject has revealed a number of deep seated problems....

       ANGER MANAGEMENT: has been known to destroy cities, armies and individuals for minor offences and disagreements....

         MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES: some times the father, sometimes the son (his own son)....then again a ghost, roaming the halls of the heavenly mansions....

          DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR: claims he is eternal, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent; that he created everything and did it in 7 days; that he has extensive real eastate holdings....many mansion with driveways of gold....

          SADISTIC: devises the cruelest 0f punishments....eternal fire; loves to hear the wailing and "knashing of teeth; his favourite toys are "fire and brimstone", floods......

           RECOMMENDATIONS: as the report makes clear the subject has many serious problems that make him a threat to society.  It is our recommendation that treatment be initiated immediately and further that this be done in a secure facility.